When Down is the Way Up

I hope you all watched the season closer episode of “Ruby” last night.  I never thought I would hear myself say this but that was some juicy reality TV.  The genre, despite it’s suggestion of “real” life, rarely demonstrates any real emotion that isn’t stemming from some shallow relationship drama or icky human darkness.  Last nights “Ruby” was some deep stuff.  Snaps to the show for taking the risk…good stuff!

Those 6 women, with the skilled guidance of a super savvy and pretty tough 12 step recovery counselor dug into some truly core issues surrounding their obesity.  Those scenes with the bataka (a thick rubber-like bat used to pound on a big rubber block intended to release some of the rage we all carry) reminded me of my orientation week before I began my chef’s job at Sierra Tucson-a 12 step based addictions recovery facility in Arizona-where I had to go through some of the therapeutic experiences so I could fully understand the community I was entering with that job.  Pounding the crap out of something soft while deep in pain is crazy healing.  And after living in the South for 10 years I will tell you, Southern women are not raised to demonstrate emotion like that.  They are raised to be kind at all cost…even if the fee is 300 pounds, or in Ruby’s case 700 pounds of body weight.

For me, having worked with so many people suffering from this disease…and believe me…I don’t use the word disease lightly and don’t cotton to the term addiction much either…it was brilliant to watch these women subvert calorie counting and exercise, the behaviors we are all being told will fix this over eating problem and instead, focus on the emotional roots underlying the question “why would someone let them self get so big?”.

It might sound odd coming from a Chef who has made her career telling people that eating well can heal your life.  But my uber message has always been about creating joy, because that is where our vitality stems from.  The path to joy begins with connecting with your core drivers, the emotions that dictate behavior, owning them, going through the meltdown and then healing.  Real food, proper human nutrition facilitates all stages of this process.  Food can toxify or cleanse.  Food can depress or elevate. Food can cloud or clarify.  It’s powerful, it’s integral, it can be a gateway to opening those emotional blocks and it is the companion to sustained wellness.

But it’s complicated and I have to say I have always been a little frustrated that food…a tool for sustenance…rather than thought…the source of all things…gets so much air time.  It is no wonder people continue to increase in size.  It is really hard to experience the depth of our emotional pain.  The answer to obesity isn’t food and exercise, it is willingness and courage. It’s a heapin’ helpin’ of surrender and balls-to go in, down and then hang with those awful feelings for awhile.  Down is the only way up.  I know.  I have been there.

Folks often ask me how I stay thin.  I nearly always stick to the food and fitness answer, because that is usually what they want to hear and all there is time for.  The emotional answer is complicated. But my real secret is that I ball like a baby at the drop of a hat, take any opportunity to laugh-the harder and louder the better-dance with abandon, kiss and hug everyone that will let me and I am deeply grateful for my life.

I was in the kitchen at the beach house for much of the 6 day intensive with Ruby.  Working quietly behind the scenes with my Dancing Mangos (in this case my good pal Wendy Layton and my beloved niece Jillian Dupont) setting up the next meal.  Before, during and after meals I got to catch up with the group, talk about the food, nutrition, give calorie, fat and ingredient info and just kind of mill around and check in.  One of the things I love most about my work is witnessing the transformation that takes place when we begin to eat real food, and how quickly it begins. How our skin responds with a bloom of healthy color, how the eyes begin to clear and those candida inspired black circles begin to fade.  I love to experience the emerging beauty as the swelling starts to go down, the bloating from all the toxins in so much of what obese people consume begins to correct, and the jaw line can be seen, cheek bones, eyes, and I get so see what the person really looks like. So much of what is thought to be fat is actually swelling.

When we did the weigh in on the last morning I didn’t need to know the numbers.  I could see the weight loss.  Joan especially.  Later she said that she lost 50 pounds of rage.  It does work that way you know.  It isn’t all fat, a lot of it is emotion, it’s swelling, a metaphor for holding on.   Joan really let go during that weekend and her body responded immediately with a glow of vitality and a rested energy that literally changed her physical appearance.  She was able to stand tall again.  Right on Joan!

Major snaps to all y’all, to Ruby and the gals for being willing to be real.  To expose themselves to such a degree, for their friendship, for Ruby’s community of desperate men and women around the country and for their own healing.  I feel blessed to have been a part of the process.  It may be a complicated and hard, and you are going to have to hack through some weeds, but lord in heaven, you gotta do it.  Keep on truckin’ into yourself and go deep, because the best part of the salad, the nuts, the cheese, the dried fruit, the olives, the goodies…are always at the bottom of the bowl.